Five Reasons Why I'm Dangerous: Inspired by Bahrain

"You gotta snap some collars and let them motherfuckers know you here to take them out anytime you feel like it! You gotta get the ground beneath your feet, partner, get the wind behind your back and go out in a blaze if you got to! Otherwise you ain't shit! You might as well be dead your damn self!"

- Tupac as Bishop in Juice (1992)

After having finished my first semester of graduate school successfully, I was planning on cutting out on responsibility entirely. I decided that before heading back home to Colorado to see my family and catch up on some other quintessential Colorado activities, I would take 24 hours to visit neighboring Bahrain and spend some time with an old friend. For those who aren't aware, Bahrain now has mandatory security checks for first time visitors to the tiny Persian Gulf country. Your passports are shuffled off into a sketchy back-room where they are scrutinized carefully by security goons. By all appearances, they simply plug your name into Google and see what it spits out. If you're not too offensive in any way: *stamp* welcome to Bahrain. But for those of us who don't know how to keep our mouths shut, it's a bit more exciting. 

After 3 hours of waiting in a security corral, I was eventually asked to go into said sketchy back-room and talk to the head goon. He informed me that my name had been flagged by immigration upon the initial security screening. After a series of secondary security checks, they decided that I was a "national security threat" and they could not issue me a visa to enter the country. I pulled all the strings in my arsenal yet eventually conceded defeat, and flew back to Doha 6 hours after arriving.

Fullstop. Me? 

Why would anybody even care about stupid ol' Maria Hardman? I mean... I'm kind of a bad ass and all, but last I checked, a lack of badassery wasn't a precondition for visiting Bahrain. Am I right? And yet, I feel as if anyone who gets denied entry to Bahrain must be doing something right. But does my tiny little voice, amplified solely by modern technological marvels, carry any weight at all? This got me onto a whole existentialist mind-track where I started questioning all of my actions since arriving in Doha.

Since having arrived back in Colorado, I've had plenty of time to drink green tea, sing Kumbaya, go skiing, and not shave my legs... It's given me plenty of time to become one with the Buddha and gag on clouds of Nag Champa incense. I've since solved all of the world's problems, naturally, and have new insight into why I would be a danger not just to the Bahraini government, but to any government or institution that doesn't like people who don't keep their mouths shut (I sincerely apologize for that sentence).

Reason #1: I see this world as impermanent

After spending a few hours doing yoga and "getting in touch with my inner goddess" (wherever the fuck she may be), I realized how much my body has deteriorated since being in Doha. Stretching out my joints I realized how brittle my own body really is... This is true for all of us, not just pudgy Maria. 

This body is but flesh and bone, and will stay and rot on this earth forever. That's some dark shit. But it's true. No matter what you try to do (unless you're cremated I suppose), all of those little atoms that you're made of will break down, decay, and rejoin with other atoms. Your body will cease to exist. That's the reality of it. But the mind, not just your mind, but the collective human consciousness will live on, as long as there are humans to think. 

I perceive this tangible world to be just as impermanent as our own bodies. That could make me dangerous for many reasons, especially for my unwillingness to abide by the rules of materiality. 

Reason #2: I don't keep my mouth shut

In grade school - up until I turned 12 and all hormonal hell broke loose - I was always that kid that would go "tattle" to the teacher. Yeah, I admit it: I was a little bitch. That spirit carried on, and I got busted/suspended/caught so many times growing up just because I didn't know when to pipe down.

It is for this reason that social media is a bad idea for people like me. I spare no details on my twitter feed. There are Youtube videos I wish I could edit the crap out of. These kinds of details and ramblings are probably what got me kicked out of Bahrain in the first place, but I don't know if I'll ever stop belting them out. What good is experience if it's not shared? Why should I censor my own true sentiments? Thanks to my rodeo-going, ice-cream eating, instant gratification getting American upbringing I'm a firm believer in the freedom of speech and the idiot's right to say anything stupid he so desires.

I'll continue to live by this. Keep it in mind. There are times you will wish you hadn't been listening while I abuse my First Amendment rights.

Reason #3: I call bullshit

If I see bullshit, I'll call it. I firmly believe in standing up for those who cannot stand up for themselves. It is a core belief of mine that we are all equal, and we are all the same, and I will not stand by to watch somebody trample over others out of self interest. I've gotten myself into trouble a number of times for pointing out general stupidity, although it never goes well for me. I have a deep belief that the exploitation of any human being is wrong, yet sadly this is not a belief I share with much of the rest of the world. I challenge you all to call the bullshit.

Reason #4: I see no differences between people

OK, yes, this is a bit cynical. But seriously! I get this more in Doha than in Colorado, but this is true of any place I believe. I honestly don't know why, but people are hierarchical in any social setting. I think this is a part of human nature (and I'm sure I do it too); a person's entire being should not be measured by their worldly status. This goes not only for race, gender, sex, and all those other PC terms, but also for wealth, education, past, etc. I see no difference between myself and the Nepali cleaners that wipe down my desk at QU every day. I do not discount the friendly Kenyan barista at my neighborhood cafe to be any less than myself; the same way I see intimidating intellectual bigwigs as my human equals.

Don't get me wrong, respect the differences between people - that's what makes us so damn interesting. But don't ever think that you are valued more or less than any other human beings on this earth. We are all equal, and that pisses some people off.

Reason #5: I want to stir the proverbial pot

I'm not exactly sure when it started, but whenever somebody would ask adolescent Maria what she wanted to do when she grew up, the response was "I'm going to save the world". That's still my answer today when anybody asks what I plan to do after I get my MA. The truth is, I have no idea what I want to do, just as long as I can do something somewhere that makes a difference to someone, I'll be happy.

If I have to stir a pot, I'll stir it with a vengeance.

It's for all of these reasons that I: Maria Hardman, could be perceived as dangerous to any government or institution that does not know how to deal with people that can't keep their mouths shut. As long as people can tolerate a crazy Muslim hippie from the mountains of Colorado transplanted to the modern Persian Gulf, all is well.

It's only when you try to shut off my bullhorn that I start to get really pissed.

Peace and love always <3

Little fish, big Doha

Happy New Year y'all!!

I know that " y'all " just throws 80% of people into outright confusion. Don't panic. Read on, dear viewer!

When you take a fish out of the water, does it only then learn the importance of the water in the first place? Rather, do you only ever come to understand something when you are taken out of the very same situation? There's a reason I left America... It was to get away from the sticky American mentality. I didn't realize how far away I'd gotten until I tried to be "American" again... I much prefer being - "whatever-the-fuck-I-am" - to trying to fill a certain stereotype. Maybe that's why I like to travel, to absorb different aspects of different people... The trick is to always be dynamic - never give yourself long enough to take on a personality other than your own.

I was taken out of my normal routine this week, and got to experience (if ever so briefly) another side of Doha. It's so hard for me not to be cynical of this side, since it's so.... Elitist. I know Doha's famous for its 5 star hotels and swanky, ritzy parties and hooplah and what not, but I honestly think I prefer smokey evenings in "Pakistan" (I decided my neighborhood has the ethnic makeup of Peshawar... Maybe with a few Filipinos thrown in for good measure) to an overpriced meal at a hotel restaurant on the beach. Don't forget that you're in Doha. Why come to Qatar if you'll spend your time holed up in a whole different universe? Just because those places serve alcohol... You'll cordon yourself off from ever experiencing the real thrust of the city? 

I'm starting to figure out Doha... I'm getting used to it; but these latest experiences totally threw a wrench in my understanding. It's a completely different world out on the West Bay Beach; a world most people in "Pakistan" would never ever see.

Something related to income level or priorities? Whether one prefers booze or ganja? Islamic morals or Christian ones? Really I don't know... I've said it before, but if you consider the population of Doha to all fall into some sort of spectrum (possibly related to income and country of origin), those on either end would never cross paths. While being lost and looking for the entrance to swanky restaurant that was my destination, I stopped and asked a construction worker which way to go (first in Arabic then English), and he shook his head saying he didn't know where the place was. It ended up being less than 100 yds away.

My boss once gave me a ride home and said: "wow, you really live... with the people," and honestly I wouldn't have it any other way.

Peace and love always <3