"...I said what about my eyes?
God said: keep them on the road
I said what about my passion?
God said: keep it burning
I said what about my heart?
God said: tell me what you hold inside it
I said pain and sorrow
He said: stay with it,
the wound is the place where the light enters you." - Rumi
Ok, so yes... I have not blogged in a long long time, but to be perfectly fair, Boulderhijabi has not been in Doha, and as such it seems unethical to talk about boulderhijabiindoha, for indoha she is not. Yet. In 10 days time I'll be boarding one more cramped and oversold United flight bound for Doha.
This is my first summer as an expat, if you will, and I'm finding that I'm actually kind of tore up to be leaving! Don't get me wrong, I have so many good people and such a good life waiting for me back in D-town, but Colorado is hard to beat. Seriously, my time here has been so unbelievably packed with the best of everything. I've reconnected with some old friends and made plenty of new ones, I've driven through Colorado sunsets on the Western Slope, camped in the wild, burned plenty of plant matter (legally), exorcized a demon in the woods, and stared up at the mountains with pupils the size of saucers. Really, this summer has been hard to beat, as Colorado summers are known to be.
The past few months have allowed me ample time to ponder so many of the questions that accrued throughout my time in Doha. Perhaps due to a change in perspective, I've found answers to so many of these nagging questions, and I feel renewed and restored. Personally, I can see God more clearly by the banks of the Lake Fork of the Gunnison just shy of Hinsdale County, than I can see Him in the manicured mosques of the Gulf. So shoot me. I still say la illaha ila Allah and revere Mohammed and his ahl al-bayt. I am still a Muslim; nobody can say different. I can't help it if God flowed into me more strongly when I stood barefoot in the Boulder Creek far up the Boulder Canyon, than when I bowed my head at Fanar during juma'a prayer.
This time last year I was raring to get out of this small town where I live and head out into the big wide world, set out and make my mark... All said, I have accomplished SO unbelievably much, and I'm excited to head back and work my big ol' butt off. Being away in the dusty, concrete jungle of Doha has rekindled my love and appreciation of Colorado tenfold. Where before I couldn't wait to get out, now I'm melancholy at the thought of leaving my beloved state of Colorado behind. I don't have to hide who I am while in Colorado at all. While I enjoy my Doha life, and I'm good at what I'm doing, there are huge parts of me that I can't show or cultivate while I'm in the Qatari desert. As always though, there are parts of me that I cannot cultivate in Colorado, yet are best fine-tuned in Doha. Life is always a two-way street. The grass isn't always greener on the other side, it's only greener when you water it.
So much has changed in the past year. Where last August I was an idealistic young girl setting out into the great unknown, now I am harder, tougher, and I won't take sh** from anybody. Ain't it the truth. Yes, I am a little rougher around the edges, and I have lost what little naivete and innocence I had when I moved to that big dusty city, but I am also more confident, and I am sure of myself and who I am. I am emboldened. I have a vision, and I will mow down anyone standing in my way.
Moving to Doha the first time was the best decision of my young life thus far, I just hope that moving back a second time will prove just as fruitful. I'm liking the mobility of expat life; I can never manage to be content staying in one place for too long. Give me a month or two in one town and I'm ready to burn the whole place down just for a change of scenery.
That's all for now, I know it's super concise. There will be more to come, I do promise you that.
Peace and love always <3
God said: keep them on the road
I said what about my passion?
God said: keep it burning
I said what about my heart?
God said: tell me what you hold inside it
I said pain and sorrow
He said: stay with it,
the wound is the place where the light enters you." - Rumi
Ok, so yes... I have not blogged in a long long time, but to be perfectly fair, Boulderhijabi has not been in Doha, and as such it seems unethical to talk about boulderhijabiindoha, for indoha she is not. Yet. In 10 days time I'll be boarding one more cramped and oversold United flight bound for Doha.
This is my first summer as an expat, if you will, and I'm finding that I'm actually kind of tore up to be leaving! Don't get me wrong, I have so many good people and such a good life waiting for me back in D-town, but Colorado is hard to beat. Seriously, my time here has been so unbelievably packed with the best of everything. I've reconnected with some old friends and made plenty of new ones, I've driven through Colorado sunsets on the Western Slope, camped in the wild, burned plenty of plant matter (legally), exorcized a demon in the woods, and stared up at the mountains with pupils the size of saucers. Really, this summer has been hard to beat, as Colorado summers are known to be.
The past few months have allowed me ample time to ponder so many of the questions that accrued throughout my time in Doha. Perhaps due to a change in perspective, I've found answers to so many of these nagging questions, and I feel renewed and restored. Personally, I can see God more clearly by the banks of the Lake Fork of the Gunnison just shy of Hinsdale County, than I can see Him in the manicured mosques of the Gulf. So shoot me. I still say la illaha ila Allah and revere Mohammed and his ahl al-bayt. I am still a Muslim; nobody can say different. I can't help it if God flowed into me more strongly when I stood barefoot in the Boulder Creek far up the Boulder Canyon, than when I bowed my head at Fanar during juma'a prayer.
This time last year I was raring to get out of this small town where I live and head out into the big wide world, set out and make my mark... All said, I have accomplished SO unbelievably much, and I'm excited to head back and work my big ol' butt off. Being away in the dusty, concrete jungle of Doha has rekindled my love and appreciation of Colorado tenfold. Where before I couldn't wait to get out, now I'm melancholy at the thought of leaving my beloved state of Colorado behind. I don't have to hide who I am while in Colorado at all. While I enjoy my Doha life, and I'm good at what I'm doing, there are huge parts of me that I can't show or cultivate while I'm in the Qatari desert. As always though, there are parts of me that I cannot cultivate in Colorado, yet are best fine-tuned in Doha. Life is always a two-way street. The grass isn't always greener on the other side, it's only greener when you water it.
So much has changed in the past year. Where last August I was an idealistic young girl setting out into the great unknown, now I am harder, tougher, and I won't take sh** from anybody. Ain't it the truth. Yes, I am a little rougher around the edges, and I have lost what little naivete and innocence I had when I moved to that big dusty city, but I am also more confident, and I am sure of myself and who I am. I am emboldened. I have a vision, and I will mow down anyone standing in my way.
Moving to Doha the first time was the best decision of my young life thus far, I just hope that moving back a second time will prove just as fruitful. I'm liking the mobility of expat life; I can never manage to be content staying in one place for too long. Give me a month or two in one town and I'm ready to burn the whole place down just for a change of scenery.
That's all for now, I know it's super concise. There will be more to come, I do promise you that.
Peace and love always <3
I really appreciate the posts you put up sis. May Allah SWT bless you and continue to guide you. I am a Shi'ah Muslim who recently went abroad to Brazil and have found myself pondering over the question of what my Muslim identity meant to me in light of the cultures with which I was raised. Was this ever a question that you had to tackle? If not or if so, please tell me your thoughts! :)
ReplyDelete-Brother Ali (Atlanta)
Hi ,
ReplyDeleteI’m Rita Moudar , Project manager at Buzzeff Middle East,
we are a social advertising platform and we are looking for bloggers who can participate to our clients campaign by seeding videos or publishing sponsored articles ,
we pay 0.05 US $ per view and 100$ per article
We are running a campaign targeting Qatar and concerning life style and general informations in the country
i would like to propose you to participate ,
please contact me if you are interested and want more details,
my email adress is rita.moudar@buzzeff.com
thank you,
Website: http://www.buzzeff.com
Salamoalikom,
ReplyDeleteI don't know exactly why! or probably I haven't really decided on that! But I get the feeling that discussing with you might/will lead somewhere. Beithnellah.
I stumbled on your conversion video; a humbling experience & an inspiring story. That of course suddenly got me reading your blog.
I don't really know who you are beside probably what you said you are;
So, Introducing myself: Muslim bihamde Allah wa minnatih, in my early 20's, I have a scientific background... By the Grace of Allah, I started researching Islam & the History of Islam at an early age, Allah also blessed me with a very good memory (IQ around 159)...
I gone through many phases in my life, which made me each time concerned about some Subject or Belief or Ideology. To those in my entourage I seem like an extremely cultured person, but I am just a knowledge seeker. To those who Know, I am an absolute ignorant "Nor shall they compass aught of His knowledge except as He willeth."Baqara-254.
You seem mindful/interested of/by/in the controversial; & that's a risk anybody who's willing to take should be careful. We shouldn't lose our sight just because we like something to be true or not true.
I read what you wrote about Mary being "prophetess" which was presented by some scholars in the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 7th... Century (Hijra) (some of them not much "scholars" as they were ideologists), they had their reasons & they submitted their arguments. & of course some other scholars weren't that fond of the idea & they refuted their arguments by this Aya : "Before thee, also, the messengers We sent were but MEN, to whom We granted inspiration: If ye realise this not, ask of those who possess the Message" (Alanbiyaa-7) & in the Quran (in arabic) it says "Rijalan" which is MEN in the sense of Male Messengers; which was hard to refute & the debate kinda always stops at this Aya. Of course there were many other "prophetesses" who were invoked & many other arguments were produced from each side & so on & so forth. For example the Aya : "Christ the son of Mary was no more than a messenger; many were the messengers that passed away before him. His mother was a woman of truth"(Al-Maida-75) which differs the facts that Jesus was a Messenger & Mary was a "Siddeka" (woman of truth), the english interpretations are always insufficient. Being "Siddek" is less than being "Nabi", as some "Anbiyaa" are "Siddekin" but not the other way around : like "Abraham: He was a man of Truth, a prophet." (Maryam-41) , & "Idris: He was a man of truth (and sincerity), (and) a prophet" (Maryam-56) & many others ... To which the defenders of the idea of Mary being "Nabiya" came up with the Aya "But (a voice) cried to her from beneath the (palm-tree): "Grieve not! for thy Lord hath provided a rivulet beneath thee;" (Maryam-22) as proof, which would suggest that Mary was subjected to the Revelation of Allah & therefore she is "Nabiya", as was Moses' Mother too "So We sent this inspiration to the mother of Moses: "Suckle (thy child), but when thou hast fears about him, cast him into the river, but fear not nor grieve: for We shall restore him to thee, and We shall make him one of Our messengers"."(Al-Qassas-7). Of course the revelations in both cases aren't the same, as we know there are several types of revelations (6 types). & they were also "aHadith" which treated the subject; & let's leave that for another time. As I said this kept going back & forth & eventually everything settles at the Aya I mentioned earlier. SO, that's that.
You said then : "A late night debate with some typical Saudis... I so won.". Winning a debate is fine if the purpose is pure. As we all know Mohamad (pbuh) encouraged us to evade disputes & debates (I can't produce the English translation of the Hadith, but if you want I can provide you with the Original Hadith).
ReplyDeleteMany, in fact, Most or probably ALL subjects debated in our time concerning all aspects of Islam have at some point already been discussed & debated between some of the many Great Scholars we have lHamdulilah, most of which are from the 7 first centuries (Hijra). & unlike us, or our contemporary less qualified scholars, they weren't just making stuff up as they go & completely refuting others' opinion.
They always expressed their views backed with evidence & valid arguments. & of course they & we are all humans so there is often this tension & intolerance (relatively) & there is always those fanatic followers who make it even deeper & wider. We are in a Life of Trial, the rewards come afterwards : "Do men think that they will be left alone on saying, "We believe", and that they will not be tested?" (Al-Ankaboot-2), & everybody is accounted for every little thing he/she does : "Then shall anyone who has done an atom's weight of good, see it!" ; "And anyone who has done an atom's weight of evil, shall see it." ; "All that they do is noted in (their) Books (of Deeds): Every matter, small and great, is on record." ; "Whether ye show what is in your minds or conceal it, Allah Calleth you to account for it. He forgiveth whom He pleaseth, and punisheth whom He pleaseth, for Allah hath power over all things." (Azzalzala / Al-Qamar-51/52 / Al-Baqara-284). Only Allah Judges us all : "And Allah will judge with (justice and) Truth: but those whom (men) invoke besides Him, will not (be in a position) to judge at all. Verily it is Allah (alone) Who hears and sees (all things)." (Ghafir-20). We do not possess the Truth, we only seek it & Allah, with his Grace, shows us the way : "Ah! Ye are those who fell to disputing (Even) in matters of which ye had some knowledge! but why dispute ye in matters of which ye have no knowledge? It is Allah Who knows, and ye who know not!" (Ale-Imran-66).
Again, I notice you are a fan of MMK, I'm not that familiar with the person, for I haven't read any of his books. A short resumé of the book doesn't really give the true sense of it; but as far as I can tell, the guy "probably" provokes some of the somewhat deep-on-the-surface aspects of some of the various Sects in Islam (probably not what he was portraying directly, but that's how I see it); al-Hamdouliah, I happen to read about different Sects of Islam & the History of Islam at an early age, before I was exposed to the contemporary views, which aren't that different from what was exhibited long ago, only maybe weaker, less argumented, & sillier views. I could be wrong at assuming/reckoning what MMK wrote about, Hope I'll learn more about him from how you perceive his writing.
Well, that's it.
This shall be continued!
Fi amani allah.
U R FROM COLORADO , SHIA, U KNOW RUMI AS WELL, THAT IS CRAZY FOR ME FROM OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete