What's the difference between Doha and yogurt?

Yogurt has an active culture.

Doha isn't a good city to come to if you're lost. In a figurative sense directions in this city are a nightmare - but in a metaphorical sense, the city isn't grounded. If you yourself are not grounded, it makes for one hell of a drifting sensation.

Seriously. Before moving to Qatar I was at a point in my life where I was just coming to figure out who and what I am, but nowhere near to sealing the deal. I was beginning to form the basis of my identity, and decide what exactly it was that I wanted to do with my life. I thought that moving to the other side of the world would help, since traveling has always been my salvation in the past.

For the first time, I may have found a place more confused than I am. There is, believe it or not, a deep tradition and culture in this region. For centuries the people that lived in this area were forced to be intricately intertwined to the landscape for survival reasons. There was a deep rooted tribal culture spanning hundreds if not thousands of years.

While remnants of that tribal heritage still linger today (and will most likely continue to do so), Doha has been completely swept up in the tides of globalization. I have written before about how the Qatari government is right to try to protect the rights and culture of it's outnumbered population, but I think that they may have already lost the battle. I cannot think of a single place in Doha where somebody could go and really soak up the true culture of this place.

Traditionally, the main Souq would be a place where some of the same families who had been there for generations would be selling their wares (often living as well) and providing a flare of local culture. Doha's main Souq - Souq Waqif - is an Arabic Souq-ish Disneyland. Don't get me wrong, it's a great Disneyland - beautiful with great restaurants, fabulous shisha, and a remarkable ambiance. But it is not Qatari. Souq Waqif was renovated just a few years ago to be transformed into the tourist-friendly destination that it is today. It's a great place, and perhaps my favorite spot in all of Doha, because that's as close as it gets.

Qatar is in the middle of creating a new identity for itself, for all Qataris. What it means to be Qatari is not the same thing as it was 30 years ago. Today, to be Qatari means to be wealthy, financially stable, living in a palatial villa with a handful of servants and maids. To be Qatari today is to express your national identity through consumerism and superiority, by sporting the latest trends, Prada purses and Cartier necklaces. Can any Qatari youth under the age of 30 tell you what it meant to be Qatari when there was no abundant spending of oil/gas wealth?

Any country's national day showcases the most typical aspects of their particular culture. In America, people get drunk, gorge themselves on dead animals, and blow shit up. I'm seriously looking forward to Qatar's national day to see what happens. I had assumed celebrations would be minimal (after all, the Qatari population is outnumbered 5 to 1), but decorations bearing the Qatari flag have shown up even in my neighborhood supermarket by the airport (in which I don't even think I've ever seen a Qatari). I've heard from people who've been here longer than me that say it's actually a raucous affair, which really seems hard for me to believe. It seems as if the migrant population joins in wholeheartedly for the celebrations, but for the life of me I can't exactly see why. I can't wait to see what it will actually be like.

Doha has been good to me in a professional sense. I am gaining more than my fair share of professional experience and connections. If I can manage to stick it out for the duration of my degree I think I'll be set to head off in any direction I would want to choose. On an inward and spiritual level, Doha is wearing me down. Life here is so fast paced - quick quick quick - move on to the next big thing. I'm a slow moving being by nature, and I'm realizing I wasn't cut out for such a hectic life. In all honesty, I know things will become much more bearable once I wrap up this killer internship and can move more freely with the flow of things. And soon enough I'll start dedicating my time to research for my thesis, inshallah. Somehow I've just got to survive the next 6 months or so in a seriously uncomfortable position. I know I can do it, but those of you who read my blog will need to deal with a lot of bitching.

Sorry about that.

I think that's why I've been getting a seemingly insatiable desire to go traveling. 'Traveling?' Say you. 'Why Maria, you're in the Middle East!'. Yes, great freaking observation. However, I've been confined to a tiny patch of sandy desert shut off from the rest of the world by the Persian Gulf and a big bad bully named Saudi Arabia, who won't allow me to travel to it based on my anatomical configuration. One of the central tenants in the history of Islam is travel. Let's just say that Ibn Battuta is one of my role models, and perhaps you'll better understand my itchy feet.

I know it sounds so strange to those of you who have known me for a while (it sounds weird to hear myself say it!) but I'm actually insanely excited to go back to Boulder in January, if JUST to feel some motion! I think that's the main problem, I hate feeling stagnant like I am right now. Water that stands still is unfit to drink, and so too we must always keep the rivers of our hearts flowing. I've been stuck in the same spot for too long (a whole four months is apparently long enough for me), and I need to get out and get moving - feel the wind on my cheeks.

(If anybody ever knows about cheap ways/deals/opportunities of getting out of Qatar ever, do let me know. I'm ALL ears.)

Peace and love always <3

Doha... As an onion

Doha has so many layers… So many different types of human beings shoved into one tiny space in the middle of the map. This is a city of almost 2 million people. The roads are cramped, and you can find a man from Nepal, who works cleaning offices at Qatar University for about $6 a day – brushing shoulders with young Qataris who work less than 8 hours a day for more monthly than the Nepali will ever earn in his lifetime.

Even the city itself has layers. Pockets of enormous, skillfully built villas are surrounded by clusters of cramped quarters roofed with corrugated metal, where the doors don’t lock, and there is no AC. Some apartment buildings are spotless and brand new, while others are peeling inside and out. This is a city of contradictions.

There are almost 2 million people squished together in approximately 51 square miles (according to Wikipedia).  Talk about a serious city. It’s not like Los Angeles or any other big, western city. There is just city and then desert. No suburbs or neighborhoods to lull you into a gentle transition. None at all.

The interesting thing, is that even though the residents and layers of Doha are so tightly packed together, they almost never come into contact with each other. To someone at the very tip top layer, having to do anything that lowers you to the level of a common migrant is unthinkable. I say this not just about some (not all) Qataris, but about so many expatriates from the upper echelons as well.

These layers are so plain, and so visible. Nobody can deny that Doha has classes, socially constructed and clearly defined hierarchies built into the society. How much or how little you conform to these hierarchies seems to depend on how close to the ends of the spectrum one is located. Those of us who find ourselves somewhere in the middle seem to care less and less about fitting in to a certain stereotype, since we’re forced to participate on both ends of the spectrum regularly.

The problem is that there are SO few of us. I know we exist, I’ve come into contact with a few like minds since I’ve been here, but really… It’s kind of sad that in a city of 2 million people, a place that could be such a confluence and celebration of culture, there is such structure and expulsion of anything difficult or different. Don’t get me wrong! The Qataris have every right to be nervous! They really should be scared of having Qatari culture wash away in the high tides of immigration.

Qatari culture… I honestly couldn’t tell you too much about it. I know bits about it, and more now since I’ve started my course, to be honest. It’s so complicated. There seem to be some Qataris who have been totally consumed by the new internationalization of Doha. Their kids may not even know much about the history and culture of Doha or Qatar. And yet – as always – there’s another layer of Qataris who are warm, kind hearted and fiercely loyal to their identity. I have no worries that this group of Qataris will raise a generation who may be able to bridge this great rupture that is tearing Doha apart.

The Qatari government is right to think that it needs to exert some influence to protect Qatari culture. Without some government intervention, the culture would surely get swallowed up in a great big heap of globalization.

At the same time, they seem to be changing their stance on immigration from one of tolerance and hope for the future, to one of protectionism and antagonism. This huge influx of outsiders was too much, too soon for poor Doha. Where once migrants signalized a burgeoning economy, now they are little more than a nuisance. So strange.

And still yet there is a layer of Western expats, all to varying degrees of wealthiness. While everyone comes to Doha in the hopes of earning a better salary, it’s safe to say that the westerners here (even the students and recent grads) come from lucrative backgrounds back home. They all seem to stick together (I’ve heard stories of some not leaving West Bay for more than a year), and frequent the few hotel bars on a weekly basis.

I haven’t been able to find my layer yet. I’m not quite sure there is one out there for me yet. There may very well be a layer for out of place westerners (who own a dog), converted to Islam yet appreciate Sufism and mysticism, who don’t earn all that much and just manage to get by, who don’t like the industrialization of the city and prefer the mangrove swamps instead… Maybe that layer does exist.

Clearly, I just haven’t visited enough mangrove swamps to find out…

Peace and love always <3

Sufism is a Curse

When I started down this long road of Sufism, I never imagined it would end up being quite so troubling. Honestly, looking back now, I don’t even know if I would recommend the option to anybody who truly is seeking answers about the nature of God and existence. The problem with Sufism is, that if you are truly determined and open to achieving your spiritual goals, you can do so.

Normally, of course, this would not be a problem. Learning about the nature of God and the spiritual threads that connect us all actually makes it so difficult, if not borderline impossible, to live comfortably in this dunya. I’ve never had such a hard time forcing myself to participate in the high-speed, non-stop, progress-driven world that we live in today. I don’t naturally move as quickly as the pace of today’s internationalized capitalism.

Honestly, if it were up to me, work wouldn’t ever start before 10am. Breakfast and coffee could be consumed every morning without exception. There would be time at night to sit outside and slowly enjoy your poison (whether it be a beer or glass of wine for you non-Muslims, a big fat doobie, or just a cut of tea….). I would give anything to be able to watch the sun set even twice a week. In a perfect world, I would be able to take Farrah out for a nice long walk in the evenings, without worrying whether I’m going to be run over or stared to death.

Why doesn’t the world work that way? Just think about that for a minute. How many people actually like to force themselves up in the morning, sleep deprived, dragging themselves to work for a job they may not even enjoy (driving in a car that statistically has a high likelihood of crashing), only to drag themselves back in the evening, too tired to enjoy life or take time to reflect? I’m guessing very few people.

The problem is that the way our world works, is in a way where we are constantly told that money is our only salvation. In this world, in this life, money is god. We work ourselves silly to get money, which allows us to live. It is only through money that we can truly express our inner human happiness (whether it be by buying a movie ticket, a plane fare, or just a good meal).

That SUCKS.

I want to wake up every morning and fill my heart with love and happiness, not suppress it with tons of caffeine and artificial light.

The problem is that while I recognize all this, I am also a realist to some extent. I realize that my options for working outside of the system in order to change it are so slim. The only reason I would work outside of the system is if I cared only for my own happiness; I could isolate myself from this fucked up society and live a happy life. For sure, I could do that.

I can’t, in good conscience, proceed with that plan. I love people, and seeing my fellow human beings suffer at the expense of the few who control this world system forces me to employ all of my privilege and ability to help them, and to change things.

That all sounds so noble, and I swear I’m not a tree-hugging self-righteous twat. I’m only one person; I can only do so much.

In the hopes that some day I can gain enough recognition that I could somehow exert an influence to help one group of people, or enlighten one other person, I continue on towards my goal. Slowly trudging my way through this shit-filled sewer that we call “the modern world”; I bide my time.

I have only one God, and He does not live in this soul-less compression of concrete, steel, and tarmac. My God is the one of the mountains and the sea, the God who makes the desert sands sing, who’s breath slips through my window and kisses my cheeks.

Sufi ramblings. Bleh.

Peace and Love always <3

Wash Your Heart

I know I’ve talked about something similar to this before, but I think I really found a profoundly reassuring way to cleanse the heart today.

As I’m sure all of you fabulous people will know, I’ve been moaning about being stuck in this big awful city, where there’s no nature, just concrete, and waah waah waah waah waah!!

Well, today I finally got off of my ass and went in search of some nature. Although, I’ll admit that it wasn’t exactly totally my first choice. Apparently I’ve used up all of my monthly internet balance for November, so I’m completely devoid of internet on my laptop until the 30^th. EGADS.

While this means I can’t spend my time sitting on my ass doing nothing over the weekend (such a shame, it’s really one of my favorite past times…), I figured I had to be capable of doing something productive.

I read this blog on my phone (dogs in Qatar blog), and it described (in great detail) how to get to the mangrove swamps south of Wakrah. And I mean like serious description. I actually got really lost, but was totally able to find my way there thanks to these killer directions. If you’ve ever been in Qatar, you’ll know that actually being able to get somewhere is an accomplishment in and of itself. Even if I did end up parking in the wrong place and getting chastised by “Ahmed, the property manager for this area”.

I ended up making it out to the Shuwaisma coast guard station just south of Wakrah. I wouldn’t be surprised if this station has been here unchanged since the 60s. It was actually refreshing to see something that wasn’t completely spotless and shiny and brimming with young, entitled Qataris. Shuwaisma coast guard station has a sign whose paint is peeling, a rattling old pickup truck, and the grandest looking tree for miles around. That tree must be such an old landmark (it’s the only reason I knew where to go). When there’s nothing around but flat, sandy desert, a 15ft tree really stands out.

I met a very nice Frenchman who was lounging near the station in a lawn chair, looking as if all that was missing were a beer. But this is Qatar. I asked him which way was the best way to go (I brought Farrah with me of course!!), and he told me that further south is way cleaner than any other options, so off I went.

I waded in the ankle deep, warm and gentle waters of the Gulf. Here I am in Qatar, pursuing a master’s degree in Gulf Studies, and feeling the Gulf’s warm waters for the very first time. Amazing. I think we tend to forget or try to eliminate the actual, geography of the earth from time to time…. It felt so good to reconnect and remind myself where I was exactly.

When I finally felt the strain of walking (and really needed to pee), I found a nice sandy spot surrounded by mangroves on either side, and just sat for a while. I brought a towel, so I kicked off my shoes and let myself just be a part of the landscape. Eventually, all kinds of birds started to appear. At one point, a big grey goose came flip flopping out of the mangroves to my left, checked me out, and kept flip flopping his way across the beach. Farrah thought it was just the most amazing thing ever, and stared like crazy. That goose just did not care about us at all, and just kept on his merry way, not 20 feet away.

Walking back I carried Farrah (since she appears to be terrified of the ocean) and waded through the tiny, crystal clear waves all the way back to Shuwaisma. Every tiny wave that sloshed helplessly over my ankles felt as if it were washing away a tiny part of the dirt that tends to cake up over your heart from time to time. Periodically I would stop, stare out to sea, and breathe in that sweet salinity… Each exhale carrying with it bits of dirt and ash.

By the time I had made it back to the sandy grounds near the Shuwaisma coast guard station I felt like a totally new person. I just wish that Mr. Ahmed hadn’t soured it by throwing his weight around, chastising me for my bad parking. There was also a dreadfully skinny dog that came bounding up to my car out of NOWHERE, who was just begging for love. Unfortunately I already have one charge, who happens to HATE most other dogs. So I gave this tiny guy some water and two stale ladoos that had been in my glove box since Thursday. I really hope he makes it. Breaks my heart to see an animal in need like that….

I hope my internet dies more often, so that I’m forced to go out and explore like that more often. Good show. I encourage you all to get out and see a little nature.

Peace and love always <3

Stuck in a Middle East Rat Race

A recent abandonment of my blog has been directly correlated to an exponential increase in my workload.

In laymen's terms: Doha is kicking my BUTT.

Not only am I a full time graduate student, I am working 20 hours a week as an assistant for the brilliant director of my department at Qatar University, I have just secured a 16 hour (unpaid) internship with a rather prestigious policy institution with a branch here in Doha. Did I mention I have 9 hours a week of class? And long-term projects for work and grad school in the pipes for the next 3 months?

I'm not trying to complain. I asked to be blessed with opportunity and Doha has done nothing but reward me for my hard work, and punish me for my inaction. It's like a wet dream for the Protestant work ethic. Them Evangicsals dun' got a thang on them A-Rabs...

While this is all great for my professional career, I'm experiencing a cleavage forming, in a rather Marxist sense, between my private and public lives. I am having trouble sleeping, it seems, as my brain just never shuts off... I feel as if the spiritual/intellectual side of me is lacking in stimulation. As I like to say, my brain isn't exercising or doing enough "cartwheels" throughout the day. I continue to just do what I'm told at work and at class, and there is never a time for me to simply celebrate myself and allow for my creative genius to flow free (hello bloggy poooo).

Perhaps this is just a characteristic of all "professional lives" of people all around the globe, and everyone needs to figure it out sooner or later. That just doesn't sit well with me though. My brain needs time to do some cartwheels (just not my body, apparently ;) ), and that's something that can't be helped.

I've already decided to take some time to do some transcendental tourism as soon as it's feasible (next March, details soon!), so I can have something to look forward too. I also need to take some time to let out my pent-up brainwaves, and something tells me that this blog will take the frontline in that regards... So I do apologize to my readers in advance....

I think this is something that all professionals around the world need to consider: to what extent is the majority of your time on this planet spent in a rat race?

In a Marxist utopia, we would all be professionals in what we love and revel in doing, whatever that may be. I've always tried to make sure that I enjoy what I'm doing, and I would never ever agree to forcing myself into a job I didn't take an interest in.

Today, however, while we develop external ideas and projects at our places of employment, it is important to remember to nourish your other half. One never wants to become lopsided by only enriching your professional persona. Take some time to love and treat your spiritual/intellectual being, since that comprises the majority of your "self/nafs" as it were...

All this just sounds like Sufi ramblings to me, but I hope someone somewhere can take something somehow...

Peace and love always <3

About to be very unpopular with a lot of Qataris....

Hello all!

I realized I haven't been blogging lately, but things have gotten a bit more intense here as time goes on. More and more assignments roll in, and I have just scored an internship at the Brookings Institution here in Doha... (Hooray for me!)

I really need to get something off my chest that's been bothering me for a while... You may get a hint of this in my previous post about the medical commission, but here's to me saying it straight out: Qatari government employees are DICKS. All of them (except for the one female manager at the medical commission, she seemed to have a tiny scrap of heart left). I have never ever been treated nicely or fairly by a Qatari government employee here. I cannot count how many times I have been insulted, ignored, or dismissed by Qatari gov't employees who just didn't want to bother with me, didn't know what they were doing, or had incorrect information.

While I totally understand that Qataris inherently have a little air of  superiority, this is outrageous. If it weren't for me and other expats like myself, there would be NO Qatar, and these government employees would have no job! All of these places where the employees are rude are government institutions, which means they exclusively hire Qataris, are most of them are set up with the sole purpose of expat bureaucracy (expat medical exams, expat license conversion, etc). In all honestly, most Qataris work for the expats, not the other way around!

I'm not trying to force Qataris into submission in their own country... Far from it. However, would it be too much to ask for Qatari government employees to at least act a little bit friendlier? Don't bust out the cakes and non-alcoholic champagne for me and my counterparts, but at least don't treat us like the worst kind of dirt! We are human beings too (shocking, I'm sure) and we have feelings, jobs, families, and lives too. The expats in Qatar made this country what it is today so that Qataris could have a big fancy, shiny playground to spend their endless riyals in. Don't forget that without the expats, there would be no Qatar.

All I'm asking is that the next time a Qatari government employee backtalks an expat, they ask themselves how they would feel if somebody insulted them (in another, strange, foreign country no doubt - especially with language barriers).

We are all human beings. On the day of judgment, I can guarantee Qataris will be standing shoulder to shoulder with the likes of Americans and unwashed South Asian laborers. So get OVER it.

Peace and love always <3

Where is the soul of Qatar?

I know it's been so long since I last blogged! But in reality, I did come here to be a graduate student, and that has definitely been the case the past few weeks! I have also secured a position as a Graduate Assistant, and so I don't enjoy the same amount of free time as before....

I can't complain, however. This is what I came here to do. The problem that I've encountered over the past summer - perhaps due to all my diving into Sufism - is that there is much more for me to do that just get my degree. Don't get me wrong, I can and will finish my degree, and probably end up diving into a Phd as well. I think that I am ready to be done with trivial things. I know that I need to prove myself and work towards being able to do what I really want to, but having to deal with mundane tasks is really getting to me for some reason....

Perhaps it's not being able to allow my creativity to flow freely.... I'm not sure. I feel so tired of being told what to do and instructed to perform simple tasks which for me, have no purpose. I know that they must be done, but the problem is that I just don't want to do them..

In the past, the best way for me to combat these "sticky feelings" (since they do cause me to feel stuck and stagnant) is to travel. Whether it be traveling across the world or just driving up into the mountains (mostly the latter) I've been able to calm my inner self and cleanse the conscience by immersing myself in nature. I'm not sure why that's always worked for me, but I'm not ready to abandon a tried and true method!

I have run into one big problem, though. There is no nature in Doha. Don't get me wrong, I understand that there are parks, but would anybody have seen a vast field of Kentucky Bluegrass and plastic playground structures in this area 40 years ago? I highly doubt it. I honestly can't say I've even seen what the natural landscape of this country looks like. If you never left Doha (where I am currently contained), you would think that the entirety of Qatar was lined with pavement, highrises, and sidewalks.

Ok, I know that it's probably just a lot of wind and sand out there - right outside of Doha anyways - but there is more to Qatar than just the Global Doha. Before Doha, there was a distinct culture here and elsewhere in Arabia. People lived amongst nature, not shut out from it. I want to see what Qatar's really like. I want to get out and breath the desert air, not hear a car horn for more than 5 minutes at a time.

Maybe I just need to get away from people. I'm not sure. Doha is brimming with people. People from all around. There is no cohesive culture here, cultures exist in bubbles, away from the public eye. Like people gather with other like people, and bridges across communities do not exist (at least in the public sphere). People are skeptical of other groups, partially because this may be the first time they've ever laid eyes on someone  so different. Here Arabs stare wide-eyed at Westerners - who are fascinated at them in return - where South Asians and Filipinos try to understand one another, both on the same rung of the economic ladder and yet from two markedly different ends of the world.

There is no over-arching sense of belonging. Nobody feels as if they are truly a part of a larger community here. Most expats who come here do so attempting to make a better life for themselves, to earn better salaries, to help family, to succeed. In that sense, it could be argued that the majority of people that come here are selfish and pursuing wealth alone. And yet there is solidarity, and a tacit understanding between people that everyone here is working towards improvement.

Even in a religious context, everyone here is always striving to be better - mostly. The feeling can be felt in the mosques, which are flooded with converts from all over the world. I'll sometimes attend the Friday prayers at FANAR cultural center by Souq Waqif, and most of the people there are Indian or Filipino, African or Indonesian. There's a handful of Westerners like myself (since it's the only English mosque in Doha) dispersed throughout, but we are few in number.

Through all this I am left now wondering: where is the soul of Qatar?

I have always thought that the soul of a place lives within the Earth itself. Such is the case of Colorado and much of the US Southwest. God is present strongly and fiercely within the landscape itself. The beauty is staggering.

Here... The landscape is shut out. The few times I have glimpsed at hints of the desert surrounding Doha, I can hear God whispering to my - inviting me forth.

I always think back to Rumi: "wherever you stand, be the soul of that place". But where can I find the soul of Qatar? Does it lie amongst the people? The ones who have crawled here to this city from all corners of the planet? Are they the soul of Qatar? I don't see it in the faces of the few actual Qataris - they seem guarded (and rightly so) to the globalization around them.

Every morning, on my taxi ride from the bad end of town to campus, I gaze out on the sea and hear the call of God. I heard it again once on the outskirts of Doha, after a few wrong turns had taken us too far down Salwa road. God is out there, and he is living in the landscape here.

I'm planing on doing a national tour of Qatar (all 11,437 sq km of it). I'm sure by car it could be done in a day, but I want to take my time. I'm going to convince my S.O. to come with me so I'm not a stupid single American girl running around by myself, but I plan on spending a lot of time with myself and with God. I want to tour around the coast and see the smaller traditional villages and romance away on the beaches and the coast. Why not? I doubt many Qataris have ever delved into the Qatari landscape.

There is more to Qatar than just Doha, and I plan on seeing it.

Peace and love always <3