Live in Peace

I have spent close to 24 hours now in spiritual retreat. For the past 24 hours I have had but one meal and fasted the better part of the other hours, or drinking nothing but coffee and herbal tea... It is not too often that I become overwhelmed by such a strong desire to renounce my worldly desires and fling myself into the arms of the almighty...

But such has been the way. Yesterday night, knowing that I had nothing to do the next day or the day after, I decided to perform a hearty ghusl and stay up until fajr to pray (it was already 2am anyways, so not much longer left to wait!) To be honest, I hadn't prayed fajr since arriving in Doha. I can't imagine why. It was such a blessed experience. Alhamdulilah the only other time I had felt so close to God was on the morning of Eid ul-fitr this year.

Subhanallah... Perhaps something has shifted inside of me. For the first time I have been able to feel and stay with this blessed feeling of Allah and his Oneness. In the past I have been swept up by this strong tide that is Love of Allah and been able to keep up only for a few moments. Now, for the first time, I am able to feel the strong draw of Allah... Ever he but pulls me closer unto him; and yet I find it so easy to comply.

I can't put my finger on it, but here in a land so close to the lands of the Prophet and Allah's message, there is a pulse. The heart of Allah beats strongest here. Effortlessly, you can fold yourself into the actions and calling of God. I'm such a hopeless romantic..... This is all going to sound like the ramblings  of a madwoman, I just know it.

I think that this kind of full devotion to Allah is missing from today's world. Of course, nobody can stay  fully peeled to ways of the Prophet 24/7 anymore. Our world is one incredibly different than before. No longer is it possible for us to dedicate our full human potential towards the pursuit of Allah. We must go through the mundane actions and deeds of this world: class, work, bills, formalities.... Even to eat we must force ourselves through the capitalist pinhole by going to the supermarket; and first milling wheat which we shall never ourselves taste (we must work in unfulfilling ways to have money to spend on food).

However the importance of recognizing and cherishing Allah and the creations therein has never diminished. Perhaps now more than ever it is vital to recognize the signs of Allah wherever you may find them, as they are rapidly disappearing in our pursuits of the man-made utopia. Living in a city, I never would have thought that I would be so closely connected to the Heart of Allah, but alhamdulilah I have sought and Allah has shown. It is easy for me to see Him in dawn's gentle fingers, the play of the early-morning doves... I can feel Him in the soft, warm breezes which waft through my ever open window (it's true, I leave my window cracked 24/7 to feel more connected to what little nature there is.... Yes, even in Doha).

I encourage you all to take whatever time available to you to search for Allah in your own way. Watch the early morning sky turn from black, to purple, to lavender, to the pale blue of dawn. You shall see in this the beauty and power of Allah... Surely He knows best.

I am sure this post won't be popular with all... But I feel it best that this experience be shared, rather than selfishly cherished by myself.

Take some time to live with the peace of this world.

Peace and love always  <3

Directions: Doha's own oral tradition

This is something that has been bothering me ever since I arrived in Doha, and I'll try to keep it relatively short. I believe that most people who have lived in this country for any length of time will understand what I am trying to say here.

Why are there no physical addresses in this country? You know it's true. Everyone and their uncle has a PO box, and physical addresses don't appear on Google maps or anywhere else. As far as I know there are actually physical addresses (each apartment building I've seen does have a plaque displaying building number, street number, neighborhood, etc.) and yet those identifiers are useless when plugged into any online mapping device.

The same is true even for the Qatar University campus. I have met employees who have worked here for a number of years who still have absolutely no idea how to get from point A to point B without asking for directions. In this way, you leapfrog along from one landmark to the next, until you meet that one person who can explain to you (simply AND accurately) how to get where you're going....

So far, I've found that the only way to get around is by knowing landmarks (buildings, malls, famous areas), and by knowing the general direction you want to go. Doha is relatively small as big cities go, and in the two weeks I've been here I can navigate around pretty well. Granted, I don't have a car, but at least I can tell when a taxi or driver is trying to take the long (sometimes excessively long) way back to my apartment.

When I was first looking for an apartment to rent, I can't tell you how many panicked phone calls there were between me and potential landlords that went something like this:

"You're located in XYZ neighborhood, right? How do I get there?"

"Go straight, do you see that huge building? Good, drive past it. There will be a roundabout, with a rainbow or arch or something like that. Go through it. Then there will be another roundabout. And another two or three of them. Then turn left. Then turn right. Then double back on top of yourself and take the obscure exit onto the tiny, unmarked side street..."

Perhaps this all has to do with the Arab legacy of the "oral tradition". The only way to find anything here is to have somebody explain the details to you in a long, often rambling, way. Often there is a surprising or sudden sharp turn near the end of the story. And always there is a "hook" in the beginning, fooling the fainthearted into believing the forthcoming navigation will be simple.

No joke. If you ever had to get somewhere in a hurry during your first few days in Doha you know what I'm talking about. I honestly can't wait until I have wheels of my own and I won't have to deal with that anymore... I will be able to peacefully get lost all on my own!

Peace and love always <3

Why I don't support the QU dress code (a hijabi's perspective)

I just received an email from the International Students Section at Qatar University which outlined the dress code for campus. This email was sent out ONLY to the international students (to my knowledge) and honestly, I've never seen this on the QU website anywhere (it's probably there, needless to say I never actively sought it).

None of what is outlined applies to me (except for the tattoo part, but I'm not too concerned about that, mostly I only have one which is borderline visible, and it mostly stays pretty well hidden) but it still annoys me hugely. I've never been a fan of dress codes; even in middle school I was notorious for being sent to the office for "inappropriate clothing".  In government offices across the USA I've been chastised for wearing a headscarf. This has happened to me even in places like Wallgreens, where I've gone to take passport photos. Why does it matter to the world how other people dress??

Don't get me wrong, I know I'm in the Middle East, and I have NO problem with modesty. Most of the things in the QU email seem acceptable: no mini skirts or tank tops, don't show your bra or cleavage. I'm cool with that. I don't mind bucking the modern trend of leaving nothing to the imagination. I think our global society and culture could benefit from a little bit of covering up.

But then.... The email goes on. The list of banned clothing items includes sweatpants, track pants, bermuda shorts and leggings. Oh, so now not only are we enforcing modesty, we are chastising laziness too. Can you imagine if this was enforced on college campuses in the USA? Frat boys would stop coming to class entirely, and most of the females would be completely at a loss as to what to wear without their booty shorts, short skirts, sweatpants (& Uggs), or leggings. Dear God!! 

The list, however, is far from finished. If this were a plea for modesty the list would have ended with the ban on short garments and cleavage. Oh no. All "unnatural" hairstyles are forthwith banned, including unnatural coloring of the hair, dreadlocks, and "unnatural cuts". Explicit phrases or graphics are banned from clothing items.

And on to my favorite parts. "Perfumes and make-up should be in good taste, and the rule is to wear them with restraint." That, my friends, is a direct quote. To whose good taste? Isn't it beautiful that we are all unique in our differences? Who will be the judge of whether the artsy-fartsy makeup I decide to wear one day is in "good taste"? Is the administration going to smell me before I step onto campus to judge the quality of my perfume? I don't get that. This part is no longer for modesty's sake, but for the sake of conformity. I'm sure if they had their way, abayas would be the only acceptable form of dress on campus. Too bad they're trying to be a university of regional and global caliber.

The last part, which ticks me off, is about tattoos. The communication clearly states that all visible tattoos should be covered. I understand that many people (not just in the Middle East) are not a fan of tattoos. Many scholars deem them "un-Islamic" and say that they should be banned outright. But banned on a university campus? University, a time when young adults should be exploring and understanding the world around them; a time when rebellion and mistakes should be cherished and encouraged. Students should not be forced to cover up and hide their differences. Uniqueness and individual identity should be celebrated!

Being a hijabi, none of the above really applies to me. That doesn't change the fact that it totally upsets me. I chose to come to Qatar University because I believed that this institution and this great State of Qatar are leading pillars of progress in the region. I was shocked and sad to receive this communication the weekend before classes are due to start. While I do support the encouragement of more modest dress, this dress code crosses the line into forced conformism within the student body. I can't wait til January, and for that one day when it's cool enough for me to waltz onto the university campus in my tight punk rawk leather jacket. I'll have eyeliner dark as Marilyn Manson, faux-hawk hijab, and temporary tattoos all down my arms. Oh, and blaring The Kominas "I Want a Handjob" as loud as my little Sony headphones will go. Yes. It'll happen, just wait and see.

I really hope this sort of forced conformism doesn't extend to other sectors of the university, because honestly, if it does, I may just find that Qatar University may not be right for me after all. I really hope not, since I am absolutely LOVING this country and my colleagues so far.

Peace and love always <3

I'm not "Muslim" enough

I guess this may just be a repeat of the post I had before, but it really hit home today. Earlier today, I was randomly attacked by someone who I used to follow and somewhat respect on Twitter. This is someone who, while I didn't agree with everything they said, continued to follow them and retweet the good stuff, you know.... Normal Twitter type behavior.

Then, out of the blue I get 3 dirty tweets from them talking about how I'm a "FAKE MUSLIM" and a host of other insults. Firstly, why does it matter to you whether or not I'm a fake Muslim?? Second, why would you need to go slandering me publicly on my Twitter feed? Dubya tee eych man (sound it out ;) )

Even if I was a "FAKE MUSLIM" what's it to you? My relationship with my deen doesn't influence or harm you in the slightest. If you are SO concerned about me, by all means, send a well-meaning personal message. It's not your problem anyways. You won't have to answer for my deeds on the Day of Judgment. That is a conversation for me and the Supreme Judge.

Anyways, this is a short little rant. But do just keep in mind that you should always just do YOU. Don't let other people try to tell you what to do or change the way you think or act. Always make decisions from your own well-informed research, and not because somebody is harassing or bullying you into a certain action or behavior. Be your OWN Muslim.

Peace and love always <3

Taqwacore ishhhhhhhh

Ok, I'm ready to piss a bunch of people off. Again. I honestly don't give a rat's a$$, so if this is going to offend you, by all means don't read. Actually, do read. I want you to be offended, so there.

For those of you that don't know the taqwacore movement (I've heard some people don't like the term taqwacore anymore.... Whatever you want to call it I really don't care. You know what I mean) is an Islamic punk movement which started what seems like yesterday. For those of you who may have converted or who ever enjoyed listening to punk rock before coming to or getting serious about Islam, you'll love this.

Punk is about pissing people off; being contradictory and obtuse. I've always been a fan of that. Taqwacore is no exception. Taqwacore is about pissing off the people who are trying to dictate our Islam to us. Never before have we had one group of individuals trying to tell the rest of us Muslims about the "right" and "wrong" Islam. The Prophet Mohammed (PBUH) told us over and over again "there is no compulsion in Islam" and "to you your religion and to me mine".

While Islam provides us with the general framework and belief structure that God has mandated, we should always seek God in whatever way feels right to us. God is open, loving, large, and accepting. There are far too many people on this planet to ever imagine that there should be only ONE way of accessing God. Allah is all knowing and multifaceted, he has created all humans knowingly. He KNOWS that he has created us all to be beautiful and wonderful in our differences.

It is for this reason that I REJECT Islam. I am a Muslim. In my deepest and most sincere heart, I am a Muslim. I love Allah and His messenger. I strive to follow the footsteps of Mohammed, and I seek God in my every day life: walking down the street, cleaning the floor, playing with my dog, listening to music... In all of these actions I see and hear God. He is with me everywhere.

I may not be the best follower of this "Islam" that is being shoved down the throat of modern Muslims. I may not pray 5 times every day or wake up for fajr... I might not do ghusl after snuggling with my dog all night... I may forget to make up the days I skipped fasting during Ramadan... I may wear makeup and fasten my hijab loosely. But to me these things don't matter as much as my deep and profound love for Allah.

In every way, every day, I turn myself towards Allah and try to remember Him in every action. I believe this can be done through music as well. While "Islam" tells us to reject music entirely, how can we deny a creation of man, and by extension, an expression of our love and appreciation for Allah? How could Allah disapprove of our earthly expressions of love for Him?

This, is taqwacore. The rejection of "Islam" and the embracing of Allah. The point of taqwacore is to piss people off, and have them reconsider and rethink premises and ideas they had taken for granted. Rethink your Islam. Why are you a Muslim? Because you were told to be, or because you have a deep seated and undeniable love for Allah? Think. Open your eyes. Listen to taqwacore and get pissed off. Don't you ever give in, and don't you ever dare to think that you are better than your brother because you follow "Islam". We are all equal in the eyes of Allah.

For a starting point, if you've never heard of it, pick up Michael Mohammed Knight's book "The Taqwacores" or watch the movie (it's on Netflix!).

Also, you should ALL listen to my absolute FAVORITEST taqwacore band, The Kominas. You can get some of their albums on iTunes (used to be the case...) or look up all their stuff on Youtube. So, so worth it. They kick some serious ass and they're all pretty sexy South Asians.... Mmmmmm eye candy.

(Also check out Basim Usmani's new project All Y'all ( http://allyall.bandcamp.com/ ) if you like alternative sounding stuff.....)

Now, go out and PISS SOME PEOPLE OFF!!

Peace and love always <3

These are a few of my favorite things!!

So, since I've been here I've been compiling a mental list of all of my favorite things about Doha (and, more generally, the Middle East). Remember that I was born and raised very American, so some of these things may seem contrary to what you would want me to think. No, I haven't been brainwashed, I've just found the pleasure in some simple things Middle Eastern culture takes for granted.

A short list of my favorite things about the Middle East:

-Female only nail, beauty & hair salons
This may seem weird for people who know me as a huge advocate of gender equality. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to put down women at ALL. On the contrary, it cannot be overstated how nice it is as a hijabi convert to have the option of going to a salon or spa and not need to worry about covering my hair or who's going to give me a massage. In all honesty, I haven't had my hair done once since I started wearing hijab 3 years ago and I am SO excited to finally feel pretty under my scarf again....

-Female only gyms
This could have been lumped into the above but I wanted it separate for a specific reason. While it may only be hijabis and muslims that see the benefits of female only salons, I think most women (regardless of culture or religion) can be excited about female only gyms. I know we all hate the terrifically skinny girl who doesn't break a sweat and wears mascara and makeup to the gym, and I will never be that girl (thank GOD). But the fact that I can go to the gym in shorts and a tank top with nothing on my head and huff and puff until I'm as bright red as a tomato THRILLS me. Yee-haw.

-Curry leaves in every supermarket
You should know, I love (LOVE) Indian food. I could literally eat Indian food every day for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. No questions asked. So while I love that curry (kari, whatever) leaves are available in every supermarket, I also love that I can find dates, taro root, paneer, chapati, banana leaves, 4 different kinds of eggplants, and coconut oil all in my local run-of-the-mill grocery store. Freakin' sweet.

-Modesty
This may sound like a given, but I love that the modesty level here is so much higher. Women wearing hijab and niqab are the norm, and the ones getting stared at are the Americans and Europeans in short skirts and spaghetti-straps. Divine retribution??

-Chaos
Call me a freak, but I love how much more chaotic things are here! From driving, to walking around, to bargaining... I love that there is an emphasis on the collective here. All of the chaos may seem frightening and terrifying to the unenlightened, but I believe it to actually be more of an acute awareness of the world. People aren't just stuck in their own bubble as they go from point A to point B. They are forced to observe and interact (sometimes harshly!) with one another if they hope to get anywhere. There are no addresses here really, and everyone gives directions in relation to the nearest landmark. As such, you find yourself constantly stopping and talking to strangers if you ever want to find where you're going. Loving all the human interaction.


Honestly, that's all I can think of for now. I told you it was a short list! I'm sure later on I'll come up with a list of things I hate about the Middle East, but for now, la vie en rose, and I am in love with everything!! I'm sure that'll change.... I'll keep you posted.

Peace and love always <3

Medical Commission... Keeping Qatar healthy or endangering migrants??

So a few days ago I went for my scheduled trip to the Medical Commission as per the request of Qatar University in an effort to finally (FINALLY) get my Qatari ID. I've been told, and it's true, you can't leave the house without your Qatari ID. So true. You need it to rent an apartment, get a phone, open a bank account, blow your nose.... You get the point. I've been lucky enough to have the help of someone wonderful ( <3 ) in doing all these things, so no worries there...

Anyways, first thing is they tell you you will be there for 3 whole hours (from 4-7pm). Lies. I was done at 4:30. Anyways, you go in and go to have your blood drawn. Most of the security personnel on the womens' side wore niqab (and most of them were SO happy to see I was an American-Muslim convert), and one of them handed me one of those blood collection vials and told me to wait in line. This is all a new experience for me... In America you would never be allowed to hold your own (sanitary I hope) blood collection vile, unwashed, ungloved hands and all. I was then shepherded to wait in a line with about 10 other women (Philipinas, Nepalis, Indians, Russians....) where one poor overworked nurse was drawing blood from about 10 people every 5 or so minutes. While I did notice her changing gloves in between patients, I also saw her texting and calling on her BlackBerry in between patients and after gloving.... Umm, eww. I'm assuming needles were changed and the area was sanitized, but still... If the whole point of these tests is to test for diseases like HIV and hepatitis, pardon me for saying, shouldn't there be more stringent sanitation policies in place?? Just sayin'....

After that I was herded into another area where I was told to strip (ow ow!) and was practically arrested and manhandled against a wall by a large Egyptian sounding nurse. Then I was instructed "Take-a your breeth" and "Hold-a your breeth".... Word on the street is that they X-ray your lungs for signs of TB.

All in all, not an experience I hope to repeat any time soon (although I've heard it's a yearly event). Anyone coming to Qatar and hoping to obtain a residence permit be forewarned... The Medical Commission is super lame and super sketchy....

Peace and love always <3